Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Crush

Okay, I’ve blown it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as bad as I did last night when I grossly, but not intentionally of course, completely mishandled a situation with Logan. Here goes…

She was sitting at the dinner table across from me and looking especially adorable. Her hair was in these perfect waves all around her face, her light blue eyes were clear and sparkling and her complexion the perfect peaches and cream. I know we all have those moments when we are just taken back by how beautiful these little beings we created really are and that’s exactly where I was at that moment. Even better, she was in a state of “information disposal” letting me in on some real life stuff. I was enamored.

She began talking about Valentines Day and the cards they were going to make for each other at school. Within seconds, her words took a whole new – NEW – direction. She said, “My teacher says we can write things on our cards to each other. Things like ‘Love” or ‘I like being your friend.’” Then, “Do you know what I think I am going to write on Quinn’s card, Mommy?” It was so clear to me that she was telling me something really important to her; that she was feeling every bit of it. She said, “I think I’m going to write ‘I have a crush on you!’ because I kind of do and I sit by him a lot and he’s really nice and he’s really cute!” I was shocked! Just looking at her undeniable sweetness and innocence, I knew she meant every word. Her words came out calmly and so sweet, not silly and boy crazy. It could have gone a number of ways, and I just blew it.

My head went to the wrong place. I thought about the little guy’s mommy seeing Logan’s card and not being receptive to it. I thought about a friend who has a similar situation with a boy who’s gaga over her six year old and she and her husband can’t stand it. I just wanted to protect this little angel in front of me, so I suggested, in the nicest of voices, that she might write something else, like “I really like being your friend” or, and seriously don’t laugh “I have a friend-crush on you!” How dumb this all seems in hind sight. Anyway, I was certainly right about the amount of emotion swirling around in sweet Logan, because as I said, “What do you think, Daddy?” and blindsided the poor man just walking in from work, Logan BURST into tears.

A horrible mommy, that’s what I am. I know people make dumb mistakes every single day, but what was I thinking? I couldn’t have anticipated her reaction, but did I need to even say anything but, “That’s great honey. I really like that you shared how you feel with me.” Why did I make a mountain out of a mole hill? But now, I probably planted this seed of “I can’t tell her anything” that will grow into a teenage monster. Ugh.

I backpedaled like Lance Armstrong and tried to repair the damage as Mike scooped her up in his arms and she just cried and cried, saying she didn’t know why. If I had to guess, I’d say that she felt that she really put herself out there, and my suggestions made her feel as if she’d done or felt something wrong. After five minutes we had her calmed down and we had a good talk in her room.

She says she’s going to tell him she has a friend-crush on him. I told her that sounds great; whatever she writes will be perfect. And I vow to think first, react later and only if necessary.

I’m so sorry Logan, as much as I hate it sometimes, I’m learning as I go, too! I love you!


susan said...

Oh Molly!! The first of ever so many "why did I do that" parental moments! Don't beat yourself up. It's the hardest job in the world and you are doing an amazing job!!

Love ya! Susan

Mary said...

Molly, I so agree with Susan's comment. As I go along in life with grown children and grandchildren now, I find that there are still times when my best intentions create moments that remind me I am still on the learning curve. As much as I wish I graduated to "expert" by now, I find that everything changes and challenges your levels of wisdom and experience as you go along.

Good mother's are always up to those challenges and that is "only one" of their "many special talents". Another is "making things right", which you did.

You are such a good mother. I felt your joy and pain (and Logan's too) as I read your entry!