Thursday, February 21, 2008

Poop (there's no other way to title it)

I thought I would gloriously skip over this unimaginable blip on the “parenting” screen since my two (wonderful) little girls did not bless me with it, but I was wrong. Now comes Finn.

On our return from a quick trip to Iowa to see good friends, I was contemplating the fact that I have written several stories about him, and pretty much everything has told tales of his “dark” side, of all the difficulties that this bright blue eyed tow head has brought to my life. As we drove along I thought, “I have got to do a story on all the things Finn does right.” I even wrote it down, in my list of ideas, so that I could get to it in a day or two. It wouldn’t be hard, there are a million unique things I love about him and they were all swirling around in my mind just waiting to hit virtual paper. But the week, full of unexpected home repairs that involved a 47º bedroom temperature, got away from me, giving Finn time to create something much more pressing to write about.

As a young child, I remember waking in the middle of the night to all the lights on in the hallway and other bedrooms, hearing my mom crying and pounding to the laundry room and bathrooms and back, all because my brother and sister – twins, probably 20 months old at the time – had removed their diapers and made an enormous mess of their room. Yes, I am talking about poop, among other things! Their toddler story which also included climbing out of cribs and quietly escaping to other more dangerous places for toddlers, ended with backwards PJ’s, a shared mattress on the floor, dressers facing the walls and a deadbolt on the door. It sounds extreme, but if my memory serves, their double mischievous behavior was getting really scary and this was what needed to be done for their safety and so my poor mom could get a few uninterrupted hours of sleep!

So you can now guess what happened. After two days of shortened naps for Finn, I was so looking forward to getting him down for a typical three hour snooze while I worked a little – my monthly deadlines are fast approaching and I really needed some time. But after hanging up from a business call, I realized he was awake – way too early – and I went into investigate. I couldn’t have imagined this scene and I never want to see it again.

I know that I am lightening up a little as a mom, because I honestly considered taking a picture, but then decided against it – that would be too horrifying for him as an adult. (Revenge???) Anyway, it was EVERYWHERE: he had removed all his clothes and diaper prior to “going” so he was able to take full advantage of his chosen art medium; his body his preferred canvas. Oh my God. To make matters worse, there was a fresh and perfect spot of urine on his floor outside his crib. I can just picture him there, in all his proud naked glory, facing outward and peeing straight through the bars of his crib. For him, how cool this all must have been!

I’ve given enough gory details and I’ll spare you the clean up story, which mostly involved me becoming too emotional and saying “This is yucky!” and Finn saying, “Yeah!” with a huge grin on his face, over and over again. As usual in my most frustrated moments, my child has given me no recourse but to laugh.

And this morning, I’ll cut away the duct tape securing his little diaper.

I promise to write my “What Finn Does RIGHT” piece sometime soon. But not today – today this is all I’ve got. One thing I can tell you for sure – I am never bored.

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