shoestring living: squash summer spending

The summer months are bank account drainers around here, whether we want to save or not.  Between endless activities requiring convenient meals, costly outdoor excursions and kids that seem unable to stop eating, I have been searching for ways to save.  In my most recent column for the GateHouse News Service, I share my best tips on how you might do the same.

Check out the column and the associated video!

katy perry, and me?

If you asked about my future writing plans, the last thing I'd expect my answer to include would be the new Katy Perry movie, Katy Perry:  Part of Me.  Earlier this week, I took the girls and their friends (and the boy - I'm sure not sure what the appeal was for him!)  Maybe I'm a sucker for a good story, but this actually was one.  I really enjoyed it and recommend it highly.

Before the movie, I wondered what the message would be for the kids and what they might take away.  Mike even wondered out loud, "I don't understand how this can be a movie for kids..."  After having seen it, I think the opportunity exists for kids to take away a lot.

First of all, the movie begins and ends with confessional-style submissions from Perry's fans, ages 8 to twenty-something, talking about how she has impacted their lives.  Each one of the children speaking has some valuable insight to share beyond their love for Perry; something I could see the 10 year olds in my group latching onto. 

More importantly, the movie gently tells the tale of love lost and the grueling toll a touring schedule takes on an artist.  I was moved to tears at the reality of Perry's experience, understanding that place we've all been: ready to give up but finding the strength inside to go on to whatever lies ahead.  She shows all of us, me included, that when times get tough, the tough breakdown.  And then they get going, stronger than before.  That's the human experience in a nutshell.

So while there were a few movie moments that left me squirming, (I'm still waiting for the "I Kissed a Girl" conversation), I'm thrilled that we went.  I'd rather share reality and humanity with my kids any day, than manipulate our good world with especially rosey-colored glasses.  I won't tell them the road ahead will not have bumps.  Because it will.  Witnessing Perry's ability to hang on and forge ahead while celebrating her own individuality is just the kind of life lesson I love to share with our children. 

Thanks Katy!

quotable

I love the Indigo Girls, so naturally, this Galileo quote is a favorite, too:

(I found this on Tumblr from member "saywhatnow".)

For those of us that choose to find the good in every day, even when it's dark and scary, this always rings true.  My days are bit dark right now, and even though my writing is in full force, my posting is at a minimum, for the time being. I am in love with the stars and the absolute belief that everything will be okay.  Whatever you're going through, I hope this hits home for you, too. 

So grateful for the love and support of so many!

onward and upward with YOU

As someone who lives to learn and write about the good things that stand out in our lives every single day, I'm also human and occasionally catch myself urging my kids to conform.  In hindsight, this shocks me.  What is it that makes me think I need to change something about their uniqueness in order to make them want to be just like everyone else?  I'm not sure.

The fact is, it need only matter to them if their clothes don't fit right or their hair isn't brushed.  For nonconformity outside the realm of health and personal safety, what can really go wrong?  Discovering their own likes and style should come from them, not from annoying reminders from me.  Years ago, I was appalled by parents who were hopeful that their children would be teased for sucking their thumb or acting foolishly with hopes it would curb the behavior. I was the parent who fought to ward off all that harmful harassment with too much information that my kids could not, and would not, digest.

While I'm much more willing now to let them learn lots of life lessons on their own, I still falter into my mama bear role at times.  But I fight hard to let THEM stand their ground and be their own people and personalities.  As long as they are good at heart, being exactly who they are and not worrying a lick about what the world thinks is the best way to go, if you ask me.  I, like most of us do about our own kiddos, already think they're perfect anyway.

We will love them like crazy no matter what, who, how, when or why.  So onward and upward with YOU, I say.  Off into the future to just be everything good that YOU already are.

attitude of gratitude

Being grateful, being focused on and thankful for what you're blessed with, is one of the secrets of life.  When I'm really on top of my game (or have a moment or two for free thought) I try, to at least think about that for which I'm grateful.  Sometimes I have the energy to even write these things down in a gratitude journal; an idea that I wholeheartedly believe in but never really got off the ground for me.  If you were to look at my journal, it would appear I've only had grateful days about seven times in the last three years.  Not an accurate account.

Reading Judy Belmont's uber-inspiring post from yesterday on Stepcase Life Hack,  I couldn't help but be moved to try again.  I want to cultivate an attitude of gratitude every day and one of the ways I do this is through my writing.  Belmont's post reminded me of the attributes of a grateful person, and couldn't have done a better job describing the person I strive to be.  The Top 10 Habits of Grateful People is a must read if you're in the mood to cultivate the 'tude.  This, my friends, is good stuff.

In the meantime, sometimes you've just got to spell it out.  Here are a few random things I'm grateful for, right at this very moment:

1.  A good friend who has kids with the same age, gender, interests and schedules as mine.  I honestly have no idea how I'd survive this summer without the willing carpool schedule I share with her for a multitude of activities.  (Thanks Merritt!!)

2.  Hot coffee.  It's the only way out of the Keppra morning fog.

3.  The fact that one of my daughter's most loved activities recently relocated to our town, shaving about 40 minutes of rush hour driving off our days.  Not to mention the amazing new Phenom Gymnastics facility!

4.  A semi-successful summer chore system in the works.  There's still room for improvement, but we haven't thrown in the towel yet!  (This is already an Anderson summer record.) 

5.  Brave, optimistic kids.  I am amazed almost daily at my children and how they fearlessly face challenges that come their way.  Whether they're standing on the block of the pool waiting for the gun, dealing with the loss of someone they love, accepting things that come with growing up, performing for the judges, shaking off something that hurts emotionally or physically, or standing up for themselves with their pals, they are courageous at some point every single day.  They make me want to be better.  For them and for myself.
 

acceptance

"Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it." - Eckhart Tolle

We probably all come into this world with insufficiencies in small areas.  I think it's part of our mission to identify the ways in which life is letting us know what lessons we need to learn about those insufficiencies and to do our best to overcome them.  I have no doubt what life has tried to tell me, time and time again.  No one sums it up better than Eckhart Tolle in the quote above.

Oprah Winfrey is dead-on when she says that your life speaks to you, first, in whispers, and the longer you ignore the signs that change is needed, the louder the whispers grow.  Listen people, the last thing we need is life screaming at us!  Still, so many of us let things get out of control or go on for so long that we have no choice but to wake up when we're finally hit on the head by one of life's rocks. 

Learning to go with the flow instead of fighting it and accepting life by finding the good in every day is the message that my life, God, the universe has been sending me from day one.  As a child I worried about things beyond my control, as a teen I focused too much on body image or others' opinions and as a young mother diagnosed with a chronic illness, I temporarily became paralyzed by the thought of my own mortality.  Each time I conquered my concerns about whatever it was eating away at me and I was able to see the situation for what it was:  another opportunity to accept.

So now, another health setback has left me reeling in recent days.  It's nothing life-threatening, just scary and blanketing me with a total loss of control (note the theme here.)  For those of you following, my ongoing struggle to control frequent migraine headaches has become a more complicated battle with the diagnosis of "low threshold for seizure."  Having never had a seizure, this is hard to grasp onto.  But grasp I did and ingested the first few months of brain chemistry modifying chemicals, even though I hated to add another pill to my sometimes daunting ulcerative colitis treatment regime. 

Following a second EEG last week, I've had no improvement whatsoever.  My dosage now increased; I'll be retested in six weeks.  I've heard terms like "probable seizure disorder" and "additional meds" and "left temporal lobe sharps", too much for my liking.  I dread the increased fatigue that makes exercise a near impossibility and the occasional effect on my short term memory.

But I can't deny one other thing:  yet another chance for me to accept what life is giving me and move through it.  No matter what the severity of our circumstance, the only thing that matters is right now and the good we can take from this moment.  And acting as if we have chosen this experience, no matter what it is, allows us to take ownership of it and grab the reigns of our life with more drive and direction then ever before.

To avoid the risk of louder life screams, I accept.  Ever a vigilant advocate for finding good doctors and playing a major role in our own healthcare, this doesn't mean I won't question, research and implement lifestyle changes that will, hopefully, eventually, get me off all these medicines. 

So, I have chosen this thing that life has offered.  I accept it.  And I move on.

just a little boy

As parents, we need this.  Especially at a time when Finn's games become more competitive with each swing of the bat, and I can see his heart break for a moment if he strikes out or misses a play.  Baseball, swimming, gymnastics, whatever - this is the time to build them up.  "This is a moment a man you can make."  Love it!

At Monday night's game, a little dude on our team rounded second base and was heading toward third.  The ball had escaped the outfielders and a single turned into a big hit.  As he came toward third and the third base coach (also his Daddy) he sweetly asked, "Should I go home Daddy?" 

That's exactly how young these little guys are.  It amazes me that we've seen over-the-top parents at almost every game!

Source:  Facebook, I was unable to locate the origination point. 

idol

I remember reading Erma Bombeck when I was pretty young.  Even then, I thought she was funny and I loved the humorous and simultaneously heart-touching take she had on everyday, simple things.  She rests among my top writing idols and I strive to produce work that follows in her footsteps, even though they can never be filled.

I keep a piece written by Bombeck on my refrigerator and thanks to my father-in-law asking me once how often I actually read it, I now regularly do.  It's good advice for all, not just moms, but especially for moms who deal so deeply in the minutia of endless schedules, plans and deadlines that it's easy to sweat the small stuff.  This timeless excerpt from Erma Bombeck rings just as true today as it did when she penned it for a column in December of 1979.  Take it to heart.

Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live over would I change anything.  My answer was no, but then I thought about it and changed my mind.

If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, 

I’d have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten popcorn in the “good” living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.

I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television … and more while watching real life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.

I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for a day.

I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn’t show soil/ guaranteed to last a lifetime.

When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more I love yous … more I’m sorrys … more I’m listenings … but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it … look at it and really see it … try it on … live it … exhaust it … and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.

Bombeck lived 20 more years after writing this.  I wonder if she followed her own advice.  I wonder if we will....

 Let's stop and smell the Lantana.  I love Lantana!