I can feel the dread slipping in just like last year... a solo plane trip on the way again, but this time for both Logan and Riley. A quick two hour ride for them to North Carolina, but the longest two hours of my life.
I learned in my debate to let Logan go or not go last summer that I just have got to let them go. One thing I can say for sure is that my children are not afraid. They are confident. They stick their necks out. They want to spread their wings. They feel free enough in their own skin to try (let's hope not) everything. From tasting something crazy to making pets out of bugs (I'll never forget my shock when Riley introduced me to her pet "spider", who in actuality was a tick named Blaze), these kids are excited about everything and searching out every new experience they can wrap their minds around. Fostering these amazing qualities is my responsibility, my desire.
This is exactly what I want for them. While I'm always up for something new, like joining a networking group, there is a notable amount of self-talk before I walk in the door. There's a little fear of rejection, a bit of worry about how I'll be perceived, some hesitation as to whether I'm good enough. I know these things aren't true and don't matter, but somehow that itsy bit of doubt sneaks in and taints my thoughts just a little.
Parenting is all about creating a life for your kids that is better than yours. I want to give them everything in terms of experience. I enourage them to follow their curiosities, dreams and passions. I want them to crave adventure and always be able to conjure up freshness in their spirits. I want worry to have no part in their futures.
So off they'll go, with no sign from me that I'm worried or hesitant. No sign other than the streaming tears, that will be certainly uncontrollable. And they'll fly off. And they'll land safely. And they'll call. And I won't be able to wait to see them again.