Thursday, July 16, 2009

Lift Off

After much consideration, I bit the bullet and said “yes” to Logan regarding a plane trip to North Carolina and a week of unadulterated one-on-one with Grandmom and Granddad. Like the most confident child in the world, she never felt an instant of hesitation as she sped along the moving walkways and led the pre-boarders down the ramp to the plane. I’m pretty sure she didn’t even turn around to hug me, I just squeezed her uncontrollably from behind and she pulled forward and away.

The wonderful folks right next to us commented on my emotional display by saying, “She’s fine mom! It’s you we’re all worried about!”

Seriously, as I sat waiting and watching for the plane to taxi away from me with my first baby balanced in the wings, I felt like I was having an out of body experience. Was I really allowing this to happen? What mother, in her right mind, would even consider doing this? Horrid foreshadowing of mass tragedies filled my mind as I forced myself to stay put; to let her go in spite of me.

As I waited for word that Logan’s plane was air bound, I flashed back to the day of her delivery. During our long labor, my mom said something that becomes truer every day that I’m a mom. She said, “I always thought that the birth of my babies was bittersweet.”

“What are you talking about?” I barked. What could be better than having this little being on the outside??

“Well,” she said, “When they’re on the inside, they’re all yours. You have so many dreams and wishes for them and it’s easy to protect them. But the moment they leave your body, it’s all about letting go – a little more each day.”

I may have mentioned this before in another post, but all I can say is that I’ve never understood any better than at this moment. I was so proud of Logan for her brave, confident and adventurous spirit; I was so glad to have been able to provide her with this awesome life experience; but I didn’t want to let her go at all.

She landed safely in loving arms. She is having the time of her life. We’ll arrive Saturday and other than the birth of my kids, I’ve never been so excited to see someone in my life.

1 comment:

Lather Rinse + Repeat said...

I found you through our mutual friend The Bethie. Boy did this post speak to me. Just had to say atta girl, both for letting go and for talking about how difficult it really is. Good job.